Well here I am on this Saturday night/Sunday morning reading one of the best books I have ever read, Open Mike by MICHAEL ERIC DYSON-Reflections on Philosophy, Race, Sex, Culture and Religion. He keeps it real. I am only on Chapter One and I must say his ideology really stimulates my mind..makes me deeply question my views on some complex and pressing issues....
He has one foot within the "academy" and one foot rooted in the "ghetto", and as my favorite cultural anthropologist, Stuart Hall states, "...Dyson brings a high critical and spiritual intelligence to bear on the contemporary dilemmas of black folk."
Get the book.. ISBN #0465017657
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Saturday, July 30, 2005
When it's cold outside
I need to worry cause I am so cold inside. The impact that a relationship can have on a person without he/she knowing is amazing... at least not until years after and in retrospect he/she realises damn the ending of that relationship really affected my life.
In my case, it was not a positive change...I feel so indifferent towards men (well except this one guy :D). I am so cold to the guys that show interest and I am seeing a pattern-seems like whenever the guy shows interest I find a way to run away-reminds me of my early teen years. Don't get me wrong I don't despise men and I am not a man-hater or anything like that .. quite the contrary .. but I don't know what it is..maybe I am stifling my feelings and emotions..u know numbing my inside... but why ?
O because I was so devastated by the failed relationship and I wish not to feel that type of pain again .. ok makes sense .. and some say blogs don't make any sense .. sense they do make ...
I just had a Dr. Phil moment there .. guess that explains why over the past two years I have been running away from the guys that I am attracted to and showing interest in guys that really have me asking "wha d arse I was thinking" ... see by dealing with the guys that I were not really attracted to I protected myself .. damn why did I do that?! I am so much smarter than that...
So although I was over the guy I was on the defense for a good two years.. hmm.. I know for a fact that after evrything was said and done I became more introverted and in a sense I became timid. Prior to the end of the relationship I never took No for an answer but I think after the terrible breakup I became a lot more accepting...someone said no and I would say ok.. but not anymore I'm bizzack .. the introverted personality stays but the timid behavior is gone - No is not an option.
Now my task is to teach myself not how to love again but how to allow someone to love me again. I have to wake myself up and be emotionally honest - easier said than done but I enjoy the challenge and the opp. for growth.
Well I will start by telling a guy that I am really attracted to that I am attracted to him .. so here goes...
D___ I am attracted to you and have been for a long time...
...sighs
That was tough, hope u were not expecting anything else .. like a full name perhaps :)
When it's cold outside
there's no need to worry cause I am so warm inside...
In my case, it was not a positive change...I feel so indifferent towards men (well except this one guy :D). I am so cold to the guys that show interest and I am seeing a pattern-seems like whenever the guy shows interest I find a way to run away-reminds me of my early teen years. Don't get me wrong I don't despise men and I am not a man-hater or anything like that .. quite the contrary .. but I don't know what it is..maybe I am stifling my feelings and emotions..u know numbing my inside... but why ?
O because I was so devastated by the failed relationship and I wish not to feel that type of pain again .. ok makes sense .. and some say blogs don't make any sense .. sense they do make ...
I just had a Dr. Phil moment there .. guess that explains why over the past two years I have been running away from the guys that I am attracted to and showing interest in guys that really have me asking "wha d arse I was thinking" ... see by dealing with the guys that I were not really attracted to I protected myself .. damn why did I do that?! I am so much smarter than that...
So although I was over the guy I was on the defense for a good two years.. hmm.. I know for a fact that after evrything was said and done I became more introverted and in a sense I became timid. Prior to the end of the relationship I never took No for an answer but I think after the terrible breakup I became a lot more accepting...someone said no and I would say ok.. but not anymore I'm bizzack .. the introverted personality stays but the timid behavior is gone - No is not an option.
Now my task is to teach myself not how to love again but how to allow someone to love me again. I have to wake myself up and be emotionally honest - easier said than done but I enjoy the challenge and the opp. for growth.
Well I will start by telling a guy that I am really attracted to that I am attracted to him .. so here goes...
D___ I am attracted to you and have been for a long time...
...sighs
That was tough, hope u were not expecting anything else .. like a full name perhaps :)
When it's cold outside
there's no need to worry cause I am so warm inside...
Thursday, July 28, 2005
I'm coming out...
I have been hiding for quite a while. Firstly, my plans to go to grad school were deferred by the rejection letters... I hate that word - rejection. Well, the admin at the schools told me the same three things:
1. Strong application
2.Time/Work expererience will give you the seasoning that you need
3.Apply again in one year or two
I am not the least bit disappointed. As I said everything happens for a reason. I am going to take advantage of this time off. I plan to Live life.. Enjoy Life.. and transition from a young lady to a young woman. In this new mix of things I just might find a boyfriend...wow... John Legend's Ordinary People just started on mediaplayer.. I wonder if that's a sign ???
Secondly, I am working now. I love my job. The job description is so integrated and complex.. I will just say that I am doing whatever is required of me within the capacity of Operations Management. That would look great on my resume, won't it... "I was doing whatever the hell they asked me to do...steups." JP
*Motherless Child by John Legend is playing now*
Reminds me that I miss my mother deeply right now. I miss the comfort..the laughter..the happiness.....
Thirdly, stay tuned for my next post entitled, "There is this one guy"
Remember this blog will be different from the past one .. This is about ...
on second thought, just read the description at the top of the page.
1. Strong application
2.Time/Work expererience will give you the seasoning that you need
3.Apply again in one year or two
I am not the least bit disappointed. As I said everything happens for a reason. I am going to take advantage of this time off. I plan to Live life.. Enjoy Life.. and transition from a young lady to a young woman. In this new mix of things I just might find a boyfriend...wow... John Legend's Ordinary People just started on mediaplayer.. I wonder if that's a sign ???
Secondly, I am working now. I love my job. The job description is so integrated and complex.. I will just say that I am doing whatever is required of me within the capacity of Operations Management. That would look great on my resume, won't it... "I was doing whatever the hell they asked me to do...steups." JP
*Motherless Child by John Legend is playing now*
Reminds me that I miss my mother deeply right now. I miss the comfort..the laughter..the happiness.....
Thirdly, stay tuned for my next post entitled, "There is this one guy"
Remember this blog will be different from the past one .. This is about ...
on second thought, just read the description at the top of the page.
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