Goodbye my lover?

Every goodbye... every talk to you later... the end of every phone call frustrates me.
When coming to relationships- of every kind- my solution to issues is to leave- to call it quits- to walk away from the issues. However, I am tired of running at the sight of every issue but how do I stay and cope with it. I always feel like I have something more important to do. Right now... at this very moment I am torn... I dont know what the hell to do but I dont want to say goodbye but my habitual behaviour is terrorizing me - poking me - telling me to run and dont look back...sighs

I am so hollow baby .. I am so hollow .. I am so hollow!

I think what adds to my frustration is that I must always appear strong and in control - how dare I appear vulnerable. This damn curse is preventing me from breaking down to you and saying I cant take it anymore. How would you know how this is affecting me if I cant tell you that on more than one occasions I have broken down. A woman should be strong .. hold down the fort right ?..right ? no signs of weakness right ? right ... right moms? ... sighs

One day I will crack and it wont be pretty. I have had to be strong from the age of 11--but come on a person can be strong, in control, and cry. Crying is not synonomous with weakness ... yet I cannot show you that it burns me. The very thing about me that attracts you is my doom... my burden.

I'm so I'm so hollow

I cant walk away..the heart isnt ready. I think I will just tell you that I hate having to say goodbye. I don't want to talk on the phone .. I want to cuddle ! I always want to cuddle

this journey... life eh boy... nothing I can't handle man

Why couldn't you be real about it???

Wow it's years later and I still can't believe you cheated on me and lied about it. It is not that I am naive to the cunning, sly, dutty ways of men .. it's just that it was so unnecessary. I was not the possesive type, I was NOT the clingy type, I did not stifle you, and I always said if you want to screw someone else just tell me straight up..say Rx this is not working out and I would bid farewell. I would not have forced you to stay with me so I don't understand y u had to sneak and betray my young trust. Your ass so good at that shit that ppl who interact with you would never suspect that you are so conniving. I mean even my mother didnt see it and she has a great cheatdar.

Now I have moved on and I am so happy but I dont see y u had to move like a pussy.. I dont get it .. even today for the life of you.. you will not admit that you are a weak, dishonest sociopath (shit .. yea I went there).

I heard through the grapevine that you know I would never love anyone like I LOVED you .. well .. newsflash... I will.. I have .. and I think it surpasses that artificial love I had for you .. the love had to be artificial because it was for an artificial being.. u were not real in any aspect of the relationship .. makes me wonder if it was as good as u proclaimed it to be ... lol

On the real though, I do not think that me being cheated on prevents me from trusting, loving, caring and respecting another man. I do believe that you came into my life for a reason and when that reason was fulfilled we separated...

I thank you because you have made me an ever better g/f beacuse I have learned so much about myself and compromising love etc. etc.

Some words of advice to you though .... Grow some balls!

Ok I'm overs now..........