Random Thoughts

He is the first person I think about every morning. I can't count the number of times he runs through my mind on a daily basis. I wonder what he is doing right now. I wonder if he is smiling. I wonder if he is thinking about me. .. missing me.. wanting me... half as much as I desire him. I wait for a sign.. . something/anything that signals he is thinking about me as much as I am him.

Nothing.

The mind races... are you in this alone? Is he just not that into you?

No way. He loves me. He said so...

This is silly.

But, I love him anyway

Love his intelligence.. he sparks my interest ... who would have thought..
Love his masculinity... most times. I need him to understand that showing love does not emasculate him. It is okay to make a person a part of your life. It does not make you weak.
Love his sex. I feel like he whispers 'I love you' with each stroke.
I love the way I feel when I'm with him... at peace.. smiling inside.

But fack!!

Sometimes.. I have doubts. Sometimes I just need him to say it is going to be alright. Sometimes I need something.

Yesterday, I told him we should just be friends...

My heart hurts.
Love is many things.
One thing it is not is confused.
When you love someone, you love him/her... screw ego, pride, masculinity, female independence crap.. u go after what you want.. right?

Guess not...