-Sighs-

Well I am packing my stuff to move to my new place ... yea I am still packing ...these books !!!

I refuse to throw any quiz or even a journal away... so here I am still packing .. lil frustrated and really neeeding to talk...

RANDOM things I am thinking about while packing:

- When I get to the new apt. I will really settle down and finish my Round 1 apps
- I cannot believe how far behind I am in the application process
- Damn why is GCI playing these sappy love songs
- O I just bounced up on my old Kaplan GMAT textbook, handbook and CD...If anyone needs one I am willing to give it to you for free...
- Bounced up on Chicago Blues by Hugh Holton ... will give that away too...don't even know why I bought it
- It's so funny that the ones that we fall for are usually the ones that are not really interested in us
- Trey Songz baby, that voice, jeez ... "I don't wanna leave but I gotta go right now"
- Why are Accounting textbooks so damn big ?
- Damn my song is playing ... Stars by Kindred Soul ... "Each day I watch you get better at this... We've come so far stars look up at you baby baby .. my heart belongs right here next to you baby ..." Husband starts to sing "... If I had one wish it would be to stay together grow together.. it's not much to ask of us I know we can do it... We've come so far stars look up at you baby baby"
- I wonder what my mommy is doing right now
- I wonder if my co-worker is going to lose his job
- I wonder if my presence is affecting his performance
- Hmm just bounced up on my love box - keepsake of all the stuff from my ex ... postcards etc... should I dump it..think I will cuz I've let go ... well I will dump his stuff but I want my ceramic love box! (that I created myself Thank you!)
- What ever happened to Afrocencheck.com and heritagecheck.com. I cannot resort to these Mickey Mouse checks on the market. I think I will try uniquecheck.com
- O Shoooott -- Bow Wow's song is playing ... ahhhhhhhh make it stop! Let Me Turn It Down
- I had always secretly wished that I would one day weigh more than 120 pounds ... If you kno me you would know that that is nearly impossible
- The topic for the the Chris Michaels radio show is "How do you break up with a woman so that she gets the message?" I don't know about you but I think the topic should be switched a little...in my case, the men are the ones that seem to be hard of hearing... (I sure knew how to pick them)
- O my jam -- Keyshia Coles "First of all let me say you cannot accuse me of all the things u are guilty of... I might as well have cheated on you, as much as u accuse me of cheating.. I should have cheated." yea right! For some reason I just can't cheat.. I guess that's a good thing :S
- Damn I had $25.00 off my next purchase at "Hurt your damn footsole Bakers Footwear" and I forgot to use it.. Tomorrow for sure
- Shit! It expired on the 15th
- "When he touches me it's like Ohhh Ohh.. When he hugs me I'm like Ohhh Ohh .. When he rubs me I'm like ohhh ohhh .. I got him saying Girlll tonight .. Give me some Sade', some Marvin Gaye, some Isley, cuz when you touch me I'm like "
- Who is really reading this ? lol
- "I get so lonely, Can't let just anyone hold me .. I want no one but you ;) (hint! hint!)
- Ok enough with the relationship songs .. but hey those are the songs that GCI is playing
- Don't you hate hate hate it when you contact someone and he/she take forever to get back at you?
- WHY AM I NOT PACKING MY COMPUTER!!!

You may hurt but

After a while
You learn the subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn
That love doesn't mean learning
And company doesn't always mean security
And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman,not the grief of a child
And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground
Is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of
Falling down in mid-flight
And after a while you learn
That even sunshine burns
If you get too much
So plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone
To bring you flowers
And you learn you really can endure
You really are strong
You really do have worth
You learn
You learn
With every goodbye
You learn


After A While by Veronica Shoffstall

You are singing shit ... Full Stop

So I am up at 7 am today because I am hungry and sleepy ... yea I said I am up cuz I am sleepy. I am too lazy to make breakfast so I decided to listen to some music on the radio .. to distract me from my hunger nah.

Well I never hear more shit.(Actually I have but anyway..) This Bow Wow song "let me hold you down" has some of the dumbest lyrics ever:
Its what your coming with but Ima change all that
Rearrange that
Put you in the range all black
With the rims to match
Phone attached
TVs in the back
How you gon say no to that? Huh
Ahmmmm NO!

Look at me like now here you go
Really bout to blow some doe
But ain't nobody did it before so why is you so go hold it
Cause I believe this was meant to be
I just gotta work at it
Like a crack addict up in rehab


WHAT!? wha wha wha what Bow Wow .. you put real thought into that one .. deep !

I wonder what Huey would say about this ?

121 Dead

How does one react to this? 121 dead ... including 48 children?????

You wave your loved one goodbye ... and a couple hours later he/she is dead ? Never to be seen again ? Never...... NEVER

My little brother left for university today ... he is one and a half hours away from me yet I still cried when I left him there. . . But, I can see him next weekend or even call him at this moment...

O the grief of losing a loved one like this ... the shock .. the horror.. the pain... you can never speak to that person again for the rest of your life .. u won't see the person .. smell the person .. hear the person's voice... touch the person ...

Reading this article pained me tremendously. The graphic images available on yahoo barely represent the grief that those relatives and friends are going through right now.

My condolences to the family and friends of the loved ones.

My Postsecret of the week

Why did I tell you ?









I feel like such a fool

Best love scene...did I make a fool of you...? ? ?

If you are a love and basketball fan u kno exactly what scene I am referring to..

ME'SHELL NDEGEOCELLO

Fool Of Me
infid
I remember when you filled my heart with joy
Was I blind to the truth just there to fill the space
'Cause now you have no interest in anything I have to say
And I have allowed you to make me feel dumb
What kind of fool am I that you so easily set me aside

You made a fool of me
Tell me why
You say that you don't care but we made love
Tell me why
You made a fool of me you made a fool of me

I want to kiss you
Does she want you with the pain that I do
I smell you in my dreams
But now when we're face to face you won't look me in the eye
No time no friendship no love
Don't say don't touch you I can't touch you no more
Can't touch you any more any more
I don't touch you anymore

You made a fool of me
Tell me why
You say that you don't care but we made love
Tell me why
You made a fool of me you made a fool of me

Open Mike on a Saturday Night

Well here I am on this Saturday night/Sunday morning reading one of the best books I have ever read, Open Mike by MICHAEL ERIC DYSON-Reflections on Philosophy, Race, Sex, Culture and Religion. He keeps it real. I am only on Chapter One and I must say his ideology really stimulates my mind..makes me deeply question my views on some complex and pressing issues....

He has one foot within the "academy" and one foot rooted in the "ghetto", and as my favorite cultural anthropologist, Stuart Hall states, "...Dyson brings a high critical and spiritual intelligence to bear on the contemporary dilemmas of black folk."

Get the book.. ISBN #0465017657

When it's cold outside

I need to worry cause I am so cold inside. The impact that a relationship can have on a person without he/she knowing is amazing... at least not until years after and in retrospect he/she realises damn the ending of that relationship really affected my life.

In my case, it was not a positive change...I feel so indifferent towards men (well except this one guy :D). I am so cold to the guys that show interest and I am seeing a pattern-seems like whenever the guy shows interest I find a way to run away-reminds me of my early teen years. Don't get me wrong I don't despise men and I am not a man-hater or anything like that .. quite the contrary .. but I don't know what it is..maybe I am stifling my feelings and emotions..u know numbing my inside... but why ?

O because I was so devastated by the failed relationship and I wish not to feel that type of pain again .. ok makes sense .. and some say blogs don't make any sense .. sense they do make ...
I just had a Dr. Phil moment there .. guess that explains why over the past two years I have been running away from the guys that I am attracted to and showing interest in guys that really have me asking "wha d arse I was thinking" ... see by dealing with the guys that I were not really attracted to I protected myself .. damn why did I do that?! I am so much smarter than that...

So although I was over the guy I was on the defense for a good two years.. hmm.. I know for a fact that after evrything was said and done I became more introverted and in a sense I became timid. Prior to the end of the relationship I never took No for an answer but I think after the terrible breakup I became a lot more accepting...someone said no and I would say ok.. but not anymore I'm bizzack .. the introverted personality stays but the timid behavior is gone - No is not an option.

Now my task is to teach myself not how to love again but how to allow someone to love me again. I have to wake myself up and be emotionally honest - easier said than done but I enjoy the challenge and the opp. for growth.

Well I will start by telling a guy that I am really attracted to that I am attracted to him .. so here goes...

D___ I am attracted to you and have been for a long time...

...sighs

That was tough, hope u were not expecting anything else .. like a full name perhaps :)

When it's cold outside
there's no need to worry cause I am so warm inside...

Bite Me!

Boondocks by Aaron McGruder
http://www.ucomics.com/boondocks/

I'm coming out...

I have been hiding for quite a while. Firstly, my plans to go to grad school were deferred by the rejection letters... I hate that word - rejection. Well, the admin at the schools told me the same three things:
1. Strong application
2.Time/Work expererience will give you the seasoning that you need
3.Apply again in one year or two

I am not the least bit disappointed. As I said everything happens for a reason. I am going to take advantage of this time off. I plan to Live life.. Enjoy Life.. and transition from a young lady to a young woman. In this new mix of things I just might find a boyfriend...wow... John Legend's Ordinary People just started on mediaplayer.. I wonder if that's a sign ???

Secondly, I am working now. I love my job. The job description is so integrated and complex.. I will just say that I am doing whatever is required of me within the capacity of Operations Management. That would look great on my resume, won't it... "I was doing whatever the hell they asked me to do...steups." JP

*Motherless Child by John Legend is playing now*
Reminds me that I miss my mother deeply right now. I miss the comfort..the laughter..the happiness.....

Thirdly, stay tuned for my next post entitled, "There is this one guy"
Remember this blog will be different from the past one .. This is about ...
on second thought, just read the description at the top of the page.